How to Write a Memoir
Writing a memoir can be a hugely satisfying project, but how do we write about something as huge and complex as our own lives? One excellent way is to learn how to write a short memoir before tackling something as enormous as a book—a bit like learning how to jog before we sign up for a marathon—but there are also a few critical memoir writing tips that can help simplify the process.
Do You Want to Write a Memoir?
Is there a story pulsing within you, an urge to document or set elements of your life down on paper? If so, there is something in you that longs to be shared. And honouring that impulse is vital and can be both powerful and empowering.
But deciding how to start a memoir can be a bit like working up the nerve to dive into cold water. We can dither and linger on the shore for ages; years, in many cases.
1. How to Start a Memoir
It might seem strange, but you do not need to start writing at Chapter One! Chances are good that what feels like the beginning of your story will change as you write, so when people ask me how to start a personal memoir, I tell them to ‘go where the energy is.’ Is there a single scene that shapes that story, a moment when life turned or changed or was somehow never the same again? If so, that scene will have a strong pulse and beginning there is a good way to harness that energy and see where it takes you. It may not become the beginning of your book, but it will get you writing.
2. How to Structure Your Memoir
There is no one-size-fits-all structure for memoir (sorry!), but there is a key element of memoir that can help structure it: transformation. In its essence, memoir does not just recount a life story, it charts a shift of some kind, a leaving of one state of being and an arrival at another. This shift or transformation can help us structure the story and give it momentum and shape.
Think of your story as a 3-act play. Who were you at the beginning, what changed, and who are you now? This might seem overly simplistic, but when it comes to writing (and the crafting of one’s memoir), simplicity is a gift. Think of it as a path through the wilderness of your life. You cannot tell it all, so finding a simple story line (or limited period of time) to use as a structure can help focus your ideas
Another effective structure for memoir is something called ‘flash-forward flashback,’ where the writer starts with the moment of greatest intensity and then goes back to the roots of the story and unspools it from there. If you are wondering how to start a memoir story, this can be a terrific way to engage your reader. {Another tip: try starting with dialogue! Dropping the reader right into the centre of a scene can pull us in quickly, and it can also keep you, the writer, from feeling you have to spend pages setting up the story.}
3. Use Fiction Writing Tools and Devices
While a memoir recounts a ‘true’ story to the best of the writer’s ability, it is written with the same tools and devices we use to write a novel. Rather than ‘telling’ the reader a series of events, good memoir illustrates a personal experience using literary techniques and narrative devices such as dialogue, character, setting and scene. Try writing your story as if it were a novel. Write in scenes, not summaries.
You can learn a great deal about how to write a memoir simply by paying attention to how your favourite writers use these techniques in their books. How do they use dialogue and does it bring us into the scene? How are they introducing us to their characters and getting us to care about them? Next time you find yourself enjoying a book, take a moment to notice exactly what the writer is doing.
4. Get the Details
Don’t forget the power of detail! One sensory detail can be worth more than pages of generalities. Rather than ‘telling’ the reader what happened—he asked me to dance and then we started going steady—‘showing’ the same moment with sensory detail and description can bring that same moment to life. What did you smell, taste, feel, hear and see? Be as specific as you can. Most people remember more than they think they do. Try looking at photos to jog your memory of clothing, household furniture, food, etc. All of those things contain a wealth of sensory detail that will give your story texture and depth of experience.
5. Who are You Writing For?
Every story has value. Whether you are wanting to publish your memoir or simply write for yourself and your family and friends, your story is worth writing. While some memoirs do become international bestsellers that are enjoyed by millions, a memoir’s intrinsic value isn’t derived from how many people read it. It is a priceless and unique document in and of itself.
You might be wondering how to write a memoir about yourself or another family member. Theoretically, the latter is called a biography, but there are ways of using the techniques of memoir (such as inserting yourself as the narrator and using sensory detail and the tools of fiction described above) that can make it more readable and compelling. Either way, you don’t need to know who you are writing for in order to begin writing, and your audience and plans for your story may well change as you write.
6. Make the Reader Care about Your Experience
In memoir, we do not write about ourselves so much as through ourselves. Our experiences are passages to and illustrations of something far greater than our little lives. It’s not that our little lives aren’t important—they are—but if we would like our writing to be of interest to others, it must be more than an episodic recounting of events. It must transcend our own lives and offer the reader something greater.
Readers will be happy to walk through your story if they feel there is something to be gained from the experience: a deeper understanding of a person or situation, perhaps; unexpected beauty or inspiration; a perspective that makes them see something freshly, face something differently. Readers will be willing to slog through emotional swamps and bogs with you if you also guide them, at some point, to a crest with a view that changed the way you saw your life, and that may change the way they see their own.
Seek out the ways in which your experience is a personal example of a larger, more universal, experience. That’s what your story is truly about. And why people will care enough to read it.
Are you Ready to Write Your Memoir?
The only thing you need to write your memoir is a desire to do so. You do not need to ‘be a writer’ or be published or have a degree in English or Creative Writing. We become writers by writing. It might be helpful to learn how to write a memoir step by step, but the only person qualified to write your story is you.
You may have questions about the structure and voice, permission, or the ‘universal story’ within your personal one, but you don’t need to have figured any of that out yet. As with so many aspects of writing, we find what we are looking for by writing our way to it. Writing memories is a good place to start.
Alison Wearing is a bestselling, multiple award-winning writer, playwright and performer. She is also a memoir writing coach and the creator/facilitator of Memoir Writing Ink, an online program that guides people through the process of transforming personal stories into memoir.